Latest Articles
More tips on how to get sober and stay sober, one day at a time
25th January 2017
Alcohol is only a symptom of an underlying problem. Anyone can stop drinking but it’s staying stopped that’s the problem. Long term sobriety is rare with many people falling off the wagon after a few weeks, months, years and even decades after...
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Journal Exercise on 10 Assertive Rights
12th January 2017
Answer the following questions in your journal. They are designed to help you assess your level of assertiveness.
A. How can I keep others and myself from being judgemental? Why is it so easy to judge another? How does my fear of judgement...
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Alcoholism and Procrastination
29th November 2016
Whether they are drinking or not, most alcoholics have a tendency to procrastinate and use other avoidance behaviours. These behaviours are a form of denial. They often “forget” to keep their promises and they “will get around to” them...
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What is a Dry Drunk?
2nd November 2016
What is a Dry Drunk?
The term refers to a condition in which a person is no longer drinking alcohol but continues to have similar thought patterns and behaviours as an alcoholic who is drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease that continues for a...
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Low Self-Esteem and Alcoholism
19th October 2016
One important step in recovery from alcoholism is to take a long, hard look at yourself.
I have never met an alcoholic with healthy self-esteem or a healthy ego. They roar through life on confidence combined with a defensive or over-inflated...
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Alcoholism and Borderline Personality Disorder
21st September 2016
Unfortunately, borderline personality disorder (BPD) frequently co-occurs with other conditions that impact mental health. Alcoholism is one disorder that is common among people with BPD.
Not many general practitioners can diagnose this disorder...
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Letting Go of that Dire Need for Approval
21st September 2016
The idea that you must have love or approval from all the significant people in your life is an irrational belief that you need to change. Wants, preferences and desires are not needs or necessities. When you insist that you absolutely must have...
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Letter to a woman alcoholic
5th September 2016
Alcohol and liver disease is an ugly combination. Wherever you are, at whatever stage in the long descent, this is for you. It says nothing of shame or scorn or ridicule; it brings only love and understanding and help.
If I lived across the...
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Alcohol dependency and your emotions
22nd August 2016
Many people suffer from both alcohol addiction and emotional or psychiatric illness. This combination is called a dual disorder. If the psychiatric illness isn’t treated along with addiction, it can hurt the chances for recovery.
Some alcohol...
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Bipolar and Alcoholism….. Are They Related?
10th August 2016
Bipolar disorder and alcoholism often occur together. Up to half the people who have bipolar disorder also struggle with alcoholism. Although the association between bipolar disorder and alcoholism isn't clearly understood, these factors likely play...
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Dealing with control freaks
27th July 2016
I have many books in my library about researching the human brain and this is a subject that is very interesting. The need to control is always fuelled by anxiety, though control freaks seldom recognise their fears.
At work, they may worry about...
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Missing Your Adult Child
12th July 2016
Missing your grandchildren is an ongoing torture, but added to that is the agony of missing your own adult child, with whom you might have shared a close relationship prior to the estrangement. How does a parent cope with such sorrow?
There is...
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Mindfulness and Anxiety
28th June 2016
A central idea to keep in mind is that our suffering is made worse by trying to avoid it. What maintains all anxiety disorders is avoidance of our internal experiences or actually heightens the arousal.
The first step is to learn non avoidance...
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Learning Mindfulness
16th June 2016
Mindfulness skills are central to using emotions as a positive resource in our lives and overcoming harmful and unfruitful ways of responding to them. It requires learning control over your present mood.
There are many books on the subject of...
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How we set ourselves up to be controlled in relationships
2nd June 2016
Do you often feel like others are controlling you? Or do you feel like the pressures of life are too much? Do you give your power away to others and feel helpless? How often do we sabotage our own happiness because we feel we don’t deserve to...
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Not every alcoholic ends up in the gutter
17th May 2016
Some of us conclude that we can’t be an alcoholic because we don’t believe we have suffered any consequences through our use of alcohol.
We haven’t been in that much trouble - and when I get as bad as her or him - I’ll certainly stop...
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Addiction and self-centeredness
4th May 2016
The chief activator of all our defects is a self-centred fear. Primarily fear that we will lose something we already possess or will fail to get something we demand. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we end up in a state of continual...
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Bipolar and Alcoholism ........ Are They Related?
20th April 2016
Bipolar disorder and alcoholism often occur together. Up to half the people who have bipolar disorder also struggle with alcoholism. Although the association between bipolar disorder and alcoholism isn't clearly understood, these factors likely play...
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Case Study - Theresa F
14th January 2016
Case Study - Theresa F
Theresa is a recovered alcoholic with 32 years sobriety. Hard work, lots of AA meetings and a desire to succeed in sobriety and her career, aspired Theresa to be a high achiever, in spite of her dysfunctional and violent...
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Dealing with Denial
7th January 2016
If you know someone in denial about how much alcohol they consume, send me an email counsellor@scoastnet.com.au and I will send you a FREE copy of my new eBook, Recovery from Alcoholism.
Over the years of counselling people with addictions,...
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What is co-dependency and how does it apply to relationships?
17th December 2015
Co-dependency is sometimes called “relationship addiction,” because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. Co-dependent people rely on others to make them feel...
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Why do I crave food, alcohol, love (toxic relationships), shopping?
3rd December 2015
Before I start, I am giving away a FREE copy of my new eBook, Recovery from Alcoholism. If you would like a copy, please contact me at counsellor@scoastnet.com.au
I am also giving away a FREE copy of my book - Want to Lose...
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The Power of the Mind
19th November 2015
Positive thinking is the first step to beating addictions. It’s also the first step to success by implementing thoughts that will change your feelings (emotions) that will change your behaviour. Most of you have probably heard of the “power of...
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Long-Term Effects of Alcoholism on Women
5th November 2015
Alcohol can have damaging effects on the brain and women have a higher vulnerability than men. The most common and misunderstood difference is the amount of water that women have in their bodies as compared with men.
Because alcohol mixes with...
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10 Things That Can Worsen Depression
22nd October 2015
There is a lot you can read about how to improve your depression but what about staying away from those things that can make it worse?
1. Stress - more stress than you are already experiencing, can exacerbate your depression. A surplus of stress...
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The Disease of Alcoholism Defined and Explained
10th September 2015
People ask me to define alcoholism and I give them a short question: "Is alcohol costing you more than money?" If it is, then you have a problem.
Alcoholism is a chemical/biological disease that is primary, progressive, chronic and fatal. It...
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What has Brain Chemistry got to do with emotional overeating?
27th August 2015
Brain chemistry is another factor to consider if you are hooked on food. It is the interaction between one’s own manufactured “brain chemicals” and one’s behaviour, whether that be ingesting sugar or other chemicals or “acting out”...
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Are You In a Toxic Relationship?
30th July 2015
Sometimes we view others as being in the wrong relationship but it takes a sledgehammer to admit that we could possibly be in a toxic relationship.
Denial is easier than admitting we made a mistake. False pride is the opposite of humility. It...
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Angela Hollen's Testimonial
16th July 2015
I have been fighting a weight problem for over 20 years and last year I had hit my heaviest weight at 112.3 kilos.
To date I have ‘released’ 26 kilos. (I say released not ‘lost’ as lost indicates that it needs to be found and I never...
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Is Cluttering & Hoarding a Brain Chemistry Issue?
2nd July 2015
Many hoarders feel frustrated, easily exhausted, unfocused, and just plain stressed. These problems can actually result from in imbalance in your brain chemistry. Sound far-fetched or high-tech? Not at all. This is good news because the solutions...
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How to Overcome Emotional Overeating
18th June 2015
I felt stuck in a self-defeating cycle of binge eating and dramatic weight loss. I felt out-of-control with food! I was either overeating or dieting. In either mode, I felt I was never good enough. I had willpower in many other areas in my life, so...
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Toxic Relationships in Eating Disorder Recovery
4th June 2015
A leading cause of eating disorder relapse is getting into a relationship too early in recovery. Early recovery is emotionally volatile; add in the additional ups and downs of a romantic relationship and you have a recipe for relapse.
I give my...
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How to manage your anger and still have friends
29th October 2014
There are people who are more “sensitive” than others; their personality and genetic make-up, as well as learned experiences throughout their lives, make them more likely to get angry without needing much provocation. The genetics can’t be...
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Stress & Anxiety Reducing Tips for Emotional Overeating
15th October 2014
1. Differentiate between “hot button” emotional hunger or physical hunger. Physical hunger comes on slowly. Emotional hunger comes on instantly.
2. If it’s emotional hunger - put off having that snack for 15 minutes and phone a...
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Reconnecting to your own truth
1st October 2014
One of the ways we can begin to cultivate a more authentic presence is by giving ourselves some time in which we make a commitment to be as true, honest, and real as we can possibly be.
Set aside some time, it could be an hour a...
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Altered Attitudes
19th September 2014
Almost all people, addictive and non-addictive, suffer serious emotional problems at some stage in their lives. These can include depression, anxiety, hostility, frustration and guilt. What we need to do is question and challenge our distorted...
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Rest, Revive and Reward Yourself
5th September 2014
For many people, the body’s stress response is activated so often it doesn’t have a chance to return to normal, producing chronic stress, which can lead to high blood pressure, impaired brain performance, blood sugar imbalances and...
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How to Help Depressed Children
13th August 2014
This is a subject that many people “sweep under the carpet” because they are in denial. It is widely suggested that around one in 5 people are suffering from depression at any given time (1 in 3 women, and 1 in 5 men). Recent statistics...
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The Importance of Amino Acids in Weight Loss and Alcohol Dependency Recovery
30th July 2014
I’ve been in active recovery from emotional overeating for many years and have counselled hundreds of people over the years. They come into recovery with “denial” written all over their face and just as quickly, they disappear, only to come...
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What Makes Men Emotionally Unavailable?
16th July 2014
Men are not born emotionally available. They learn to become emotionally available or unavailable, through a slow process of socialisation. They learn what others expect of them and acclimatise themselves to playing a variety of social roles with...
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How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons
9th July 2014
Emotional Extortion
Emotional extortion is the practice of pushing your emotional hot buttons in order to manipulate your behaviour. It is most common in the context of family relationships because family members are generally...
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How Does Sugar Addiction and Other Drugs Work in the Brain?
12th June 2014
All drugs of abuse target the brain’s reward system by flooding the circuit with dopamine.
Drugs are chemicals. They work in the brain by tapping into the brain’s communication system and interfering with the way nerve cells...
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Emotions, Acne and Depression
29th May 2014
Acne is a physical problem, but it can also have emotional effects because of the way it impacts on your appearance. Acne is very visible, especially in severe cases, increasing the likelihood of associated emotional problems. Ironically,...
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What is Mindfulness and how can it help me?
15th May 2014
Avoiding our feelings is understood to be the underlying cause of emotional distress. There is growing evidence that deliberate attempts to avoid emotional pain and escape discomfort may paradoxically increase the distress. Emotional overeating...
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Solutions to Healing Negative Emotions
1st May 2014
Anger is a common emotional problem that troubles everyone. Anger arises essentially because we say to ourselves: “I’m not getting what I want.” Stress is caused by my point of view about the way the world ought to be versus the way it...
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How to Lift Your Depression
17th April 2014
Depression represents a kind of collision between the pressures or needs of the everyday world and an oversensitive physical state. We experience the outside world by observing and thinking about it so it can influence us only through our...
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'Letting go' does not mean you are a doormat!
2nd April 2014
Letting Go means accepting life on life's terms. Letting go of things you cannot change. Letting go of the uncontrollable and unchangeables in your life. Admitting that you are not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem which is...
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4 Stabilising Questions to Quickly Diffuse Stressful Situations
20th March 2014
Whenever you are emotionally upset, ask yourself these 4 questions:
Is this life threatening? (it never is)
What exactly am I troubled about? (Is it fact or fiction?)
How important is it? (Will it still bother...
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Putting the Past behind You with Mindfulness
5th March 2014
When you stop making the past your scapegoat for the present you can begin taking charge of your own future. In other words, if we blame something or someone for how we feel today, we set ourselves up for failure tomorrow. Pointing the finger at...
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Biological Reason Why Alcoholics Can't Stop Drinking
20th February 2014
Ever wondered why you can't stop at one alcoholic drink? You intend to have just one or two drinks and before you know it, you’re out of control.
Even though AA has always described alcoholism as a disease and the World Health...
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Adolescent and Adult Emotional Wounds including Bullying
8th January 2014
Adolescent and Adult Emotional Wounds including Bullying
During adolescence, peers are usually the most significant sources of hurts. The breakup of romantic relationships, the insensitivity of a friend in the betrayal of a confidence,...
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Childhood Emotional Wounds including Sexual Assault
25th December 2013
Childhood Emotional Wounds including Sexual Assault
One obvious source of childhood emotional damage is sexual abuse. Although estimates of the incidence of such abuse vary, current research suggests that between 20 and 40% of females...
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Find and Foster Special Relationships
19th December 2013
Find and Foster Special Relationships
They say blood is thicker than water... well, I don’t know about that but what I do know is that family isn’t always blood. There are people in your life who appreciate having you in their life, the...
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How to inject yourself with self-esteem
27th November 2013
How to inject yourself with self-esteem
People often confuse self-esteem with confidence, thinking they are one in the same. They’re not. Confidence is a learned skill and self-esteem is all about self-worth and self-value. It’s how...
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Rid yourself of worry, stress and fear by detoxing the way you think
13th November 2013
Rid yourself of worry, stress and fear by detoxing the way you think
We all know how to detox our body… but our minds? Yes, it is possible to rid yourself of “stinking thinking” and retrain your brain to form new neural pathways. I...
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How do I develop tolerance without getting angry and resentful?
30th October 2013
How do I develop tolerance without getting angry and resentful?
When people upset us, we need to say 3 things to ourselves:
1. Are they emotionally disturbed?
2. Are they ignorant?
3. Are they...
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What is Love Addiction
16th October 2013
What is Love Addiction?
One of our three basic needs is to love and be loved and that’s perfectly normal. That intoxicating feeling of being “in love” can be very addictive for some individuals. Our Dopamine Neurotransmitter lights up...
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Is Your Partner a Control Freak
2nd October 2013
Is your partner a control freak?
Many controlling personalities are based on fear and pride even though the controlling individual may have no idea at the time. If you feel the need to constantly be in control of what someone does or...
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10 Tips for Happier Relationships
18th September 2013
10 Tips for Happier Relationships
The three essentials things that we need in this life is food, shelter and love. No one is meant to be alone and I’m talking about regular, human contact. We have family and friends, neighbours and work...
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Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems
20th August 2013
Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems
Ingratitude is the beast that sometimes grows from the shoulders of children and snaps at the hand that once rocked the cradle. It could be one of every parent’s worst nightmares when the child you...
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If you don't like yourself, who will?
23rd July 2013
If you don’t like yourself, who will?
The idea that you must have love or approval from all the significant people in your life is an irrational belief that you need to change. Wants, preferences and desires are not needs or necessities....
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How do I break free of a dysfunctional relationship?
9th July 2013
How do I break free of a dysfunctional relationship?
Sometimes we view others as being in the wrong relationship but it takes a sledgehammer to admit that we could possibly be in a toxic relationship. Denial is easier than admitting we...
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Emotional Overeating and the Role of Self-Centredness
25th June 2013
Emotional Overeating and the Role of Self-Centredness
No one likes to be told that they are selfish, self-centred and have a bad attitude. People with food and alcohol addictions often come into that category and can be their own worst...
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The Role of Dopamine and Sugar Cravings
11th June 2013
What is Dopamine?
Dopamine is one of the principal neurotransmitters involved in substance dependence. Two of the major substances of abuse that increase dopamine levels are sugar and alcohol. Sugar is more powerful than cocaine or...
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Why Are Family Relationships Often the Most Problematic?
28th May 2013
Mother's Day has gone and there would have been thousands of mothers left sitting by the phone, waiting for that one phone call that meant they were thought of, at least one day of the year. To those ladies, believe me, you are not...
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What Is Guided Imagery And Visualisation And How Can It Help Me?
14th May 2013
You may have noticed that I make many references to "active meditation" as the therapy I use in helping people change their thinking to change their feelings (emotions) to change their behaviour. I include active meditation in Dialectical...
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Co-dependency In The Workplace And What To Do About It!
1st May 2013
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life". Confucius.
What is co-dependency? What does it mean and how does this apply to the workplace?
The term co-dependency refers to our...
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Addictions Can Kill
16th April 2013
"God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change, Courage to Change the Things I can, and the Wisdom to know the Difference." Reinhold Niebuhr.
When overeating and excessive use of alcohol is used to...
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Do You Ever Jump To Conclusions?
2nd April 2013
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become." Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Feelings are not facts! Between a feeling and a fact there is always a thought. We jump to...
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Co-Dependency in Personal Relationships
19th March 2013
"Change your thoughts and you change the world" Norman Vincent Peale.
If you, as a woman, wonder about the difference between being "good" or co-dependent in a relationship, then check the degree of involvement and the...
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What Are the Symptoms of Co-Dependency?
6th March 2013
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." E.E.Cummings.
I’ve recently written about "people pleasers" and controlling co-dependents and have had many enquiries from people interested in the criteria for...
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Description of a Controlling Co-Dependent
20th February 2013
Co-Dependency is a pattern of abnormal dependency on approval from others in an attempt to find self-worth, self-esteem and identity. People with emotional overeating problems are often co-dependents but are totally unaware of this...
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Co-Dependency And Your Ego
5th February 2013
"If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is...
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Want to be happy but hooked on alcohol?
22nd January 2013
I have had a pandemic of ladies contact me to help them with their addiction to alcohol and related problems. They start off their day vowing not to drink but finish their day irritable, agitated and intoxicated. Their partners react with disgust...
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All-or-nothing Thinking
8th January 2013
Is the glass half full or half empty? This refers to your tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black or white categories. All-or-nothing thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It causes you to fear any mistakes or...
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Depression and Co-Dependency
18th December 2012
Depression and Co-Dependency and how it affects you
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up" Thomas A. Edison
Co-dependency is often accompanied by...
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A Quick Way to De-Stress
11th December 2012
Is there a quick way to de-stress?
"If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right" Mark Twain
Whenever you are emotionally upset, ask yourself these four questions for a quick way to diffuse...
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Co-Dependent People Pleasing
4th December 2012
What is the behaviour of a Co-Dependent "People Pleaser"?
I was recently at a health seminar and it amazed me how many women had no idea what the word “co-dependency” meant. Co-dependency is a pattern of abnormal dependency on approval...
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Fear of Rejection
20th November 2012
The greatest fear you may have is the fear of disapproval. You were taught to think that rejection actually hurts and that you must be positively upset when you are rejected. Furthermore, you were taught that rejection proved something: that you...
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Irrational Ideas and Binging
7th November 2012
Emotional pain is the catalyst for food addiction. How you think determines your feelings, which are the emotions that cause negative reactions.
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound...
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Is Your Relationship making you SICK?
31st October 2012
This is often the reason causing you to binge on food, alcohol and other self-sabotaging behaviours. Many people enter into a relationship with a deep fear of rejection and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behaviour. Controlling...
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Co-Dependency and Relationships
24th October 2012
What is Co-Dependency and how does it apply to Relationships?
Co-dependency is sometimes called “relationship addiction,” because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive...
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Brain Chemistry and Overeating
17th October 2012
Is Depleted Brain Chemistry the Problem with your Overeating?
Brain chemistry is another factor to consider if you are hooked on food. It is the interaction between one’s own manufactured “brain chemicals” and one’s behaviour, whether...
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Why Can't I Lose Weight
10th October 2012
During my years of research into emotional overeating, I found one of the major problems that kept people from achieving their goal weight was their toxic belief system.
“Overeaters do have a good reason to...
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Weight Loss For The Mind
4th October 2012
Our toxic belief system is often the basis of self-sabotage and frequently stops us from achieving our goals, particularly weight loss. The nature of our personal beliefs dictates the kinds of emotions we will have at any given time. If diets...
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Is Alcohol Costing You More Than Money
27th September 2012
Many people become concerned about their alcohol dependency because of some negative consequence. Legal difficulties resulting from driving while intoxicated, loss of employment or broken relationships may also lead us to question if alcohol is...
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Addictions & Emotions
19th September 2012
This is my first column targeting addictions and the emotional carnage associated with each addiction. I will provide strategies to help you on your road to recovery whether it is emotional overeating, alcohol dependency, toxic relationships,...
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Dealing with denial
10th April 2011
Over the years of counselling people with addictions, including emotional overeating, depression, relationship problems and general anxiety, it is evident that many people are in denial. They can't see that their self-sabotaging behaviour is the...
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Why Can't I Lose Weight?
22nd April 2010
During my years of research into emotional overeating, I found one of the major problems that kept people from achieving their goal weight was their toxic belief system.
No matter what they did — what diet they pursued or how much they...
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Are You Comfortable With Yourself?
16th March 2010
The fact is that many individuals are not comfortable with themselves, and they spend a great deal of energy trying to keep other people from noticing. It is strange that the very thing they want most of all - simple loving contact with others -...
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Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes!
23rd December 2009
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
How many of us are guilty of doing just that! This is not a "warm and fuzzy" article. It is designed to wake people up to reality and...
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Testimonials
21st October 2012
I have just finished 4 weeks counselling with you and I'm still sober - can't believe it. I've tried so hard over the years and my husband is losing his patience with me and my kids are suffering. Thank you so much for you kindness, understanding and providing all that information to help me along...
Tyrosine was the start of my recovery in dealing with my depression. It allowed me to refocus my mind and bring back my motivation; In turn, this helped me move about more (both physically and mentally) and not sit around so much and mope like I used to. The Tyrosine helped me concentrate again and...
Hi Wendy, You have changed the way I see a lot of things, not so judgemental, I struggled with "Dysfunctional Family" for 64 years I thought it was okay, now I know it wasn't, but I don't have to fix it for everyone, just me. I am back at the Gym, have more energy and more interest in life, I am...